The Passion of Billie Bae
One Thousand Eyes Upon You
Back in the summer of 1986 (a summer that put all of my childhood summers to shame), I met a girl who almost killed me. Carol was young, intelligent, reckless, and far more mature than I was. Despite being naive and afraid of my own shadow in those days, I did anything she asked me to do. That she was drop-dead gorgeous was indisputable, but that’s not why I obeyed her commands to break the law, and engage in acts that make me blush just thinking about them. It was her fierce, indomitable will. There was a blazing fire in her that matched her glorious red hair. She was irresistible.
It’s been decades since any woman has had that kind of dominion over me, but it’s how I felt the other day when Billie Bae insisted that we do our interview via Instagram DM, and that I incorporate her emoji comments into the published article (because, as she puts it, her writing sounds harsh without them). How could I disobey her? Why would I disobey her?
In February, when Billie followed my (Kingdomz X ) Instagram profile, I thought she was okay. Just okay. I had pretty much forgotten about her, despite having previously expressed interest in writing about her. Then two weeks back, a stranger appeared in my feed. “Who is this?”, I wondered aloud, my brain swimming with confusion and fascination. I felt as if this person was looking right at me through my iPhone, demanding my undivided attention. It was like staring into a clear, crisp blue sky, the rays of the sun filling up my soul. It felt as if I were being pulled into a singularity, and part of me felt intense pleasure at the prospect of losing myself in its depths. But I pulled away, closing the app. It took a while for me to compose myself, and open the app again before the feed refreshed. I had to know who this was because I didn’t recall following anyone like her. When I saw who it was, I was stunned. I scrolled through her Instagram profile with new eyes, entranced.
Billie Bae is an open secret, a burning enigma hiding in plain sight. You’ll only know enough about her as she wants you to know, and you’ll only get that close to her. You’ll delude yourself into believing that you can read her, but that’s only because she has complete control of what you perceive. She’s the mirage in the desert, the mermaid of the seas, the face in the clouds. One thing that is certain about Billie, is that she’s transforming, and you’re all invited to experience her becoming.
What is the purpose of your Instagram?
It’s a CBT project (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I have issues. Or had. Now I have less because it worked.
Next! ❤️
Why Instagram, and not some other medium?
I’m visual, and all the trolls are here. I need trolls for my CBT treatment.
I thought all the trolls were at Twitter. But what kind of issues are you trying to work through?
OMG! Nooo!!! Twitter is all about dissing! That’s so 2013!
My issues are many! Well, I had many! Now they are less! 😛
One huge [issue] is the fear of losing control.
People are just all over the fucking place on social media with copyright. No one gives a shit! I need to remember that I don’t live in the past. We’re moving into a world of not “owning” anything because there is no lack of anything. The fear of “needing to own stuff” is because… I was thinking that there is a limit to that [particular] “thing” or creation! There is an abundance of everything! Thanks to industrialism, and capitalism So... I need to let go, and remember where I am. Not what other people think the world should be. ❤️❤️❤️🥳
Do we not all need to lose control so time? I mean, isn’t that what passion is?
I need time to answer that question. It’s a good question. Deserves time and attention!
But... My answer is yes. That is why I started my Instagram. To grow as a person, to get deeper into what makes me happy, and live past my fears. 🧚🏻♀️
Licking the Habit
Would I be wrong in assuming you’re an artist? Your posts are quite creative.
Yes! I am! I’m trying to get used to saying that! The culture I’ve grown up in doesn’t allow for being pretentious
What culture would that be?
Scandinavian. It’s similar to the Japanese. Very clean and hard-working, but never taking credit for it. I think most people in Stockholm have high-performance anxiety. Which is what I’ve had since I was about seven. I’ll be twenty-nine soon.
Do people in Scandinavian or Japanese cultures pop pills for these disorders like Americans?
Well, I can’t answer for everyone, but I can answer for me: I’ve had two rounds of depression I’ve been medicated for. But I stopped taking them because I felt no emotions. Like at all. Cut off the tip of my finger when making a salad? Didn’t feel shit. Soooo... I kind of realized something was wrong there. The doctor said that it’s a mixed outcome for different people when on... thylo... thilex... thy-something. Don’t remember the name of the drug, but yeah. Anyway, this was like two years ago.
What kind of art are you into?
All! It’s all communication. With yourself, or others.
Who could you name as someone whose work you have an appreciation for? Whose art speaks to you directly?
Renaissance. In relation to my Insta? Because that’s what we are talking about yes?
Yes.
It’s just whatever tickles my curiosity.
How do you feel when you create? Not what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.
It’s mixed. I go through most emotions. Just to kinda talk to myself, and ask myself what do I feel the most and why?
You look like you’re completely into it, not distracted by anything. Like you’re immersed in your environment.
Yes. I have to take my healing seriously. If I don’t, no one will. We are all here for our own experience. Nothing wrong with that.
What other things do you fear? Heights? Oceans? Loneliness?
Turn this song on first. We’re gonna listen to it together.
(Billie insists that I put on Theme from “The Search for Everything”, by John Mayer., and let it repeat. Naturally, I comply. It may be a fools’ errand, and she’s not really listening along with me, but the song is pleasant, and I do what Billie wishes me to do.)
I’ll answer now: I fear myself.
Yikes. Why?
It’s the only thing that can stop me in life. It’s strong.
What do you love?
Me. That’s why I haven’t killed myself yet, and keep trying.
Hips Don’t Lie
Your singing is perfection, but I have the feeling it’s something you do for only yourself, no plans to record or perform on stage. Would that be correct?
Indeed. That is correct.
You model quite well. No aspirations there?
I don’t aspire to be anything but happy first, and secondly helpful towards others.
Have you ever done modeling before at all?
No, I have not. All content is captured and edited by me. I have a history behind the camera.
So you’re a photographer?
Yes.
I don’t like the disrespectful culture of men thinking they have power because they hold a camera, and think that women should pose for them naked for free. I have something really big planned for the beginning of next year, where I will tackle this problem and empower women to not fall for this bullshit. It’s disrespectful towards the craft itself, and women. If you want to shoot anyone then you pay them. Especially if you want them to be naked. I’m so fucking done with this era of this kind of shit!
There! Now you also have more anger to add to the interview. Some people enjoy that. 🤪
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
I’m for equality. Gender should have no say in it. Only ability.
That’s pretty much feminism.
Well, not here. Here feminism is hate towards white men. Bluebloods, whatever.
Interesting.
It’s a different ball game here. No Beyonce feminism. 🤪🤪🤪
I noticed some of your photographs are of you in the nude, and they’re censored. Why not use a platform like Ello that allows artists their freedom? Or, is the censoring of your work strictly because you wish it so?
I have a plan. My prefrontal cortex is very evolved. I’ll notify everyone regarding that soon... Like why I’ve used Insta and everything.
What is your obsession with lingerie, or is it not an obsession?
Lingerie is a part of my healing process. It’s connected with my CBT process.
You have two adorable cats who appear in some of your photographs, one named Miso Soup, and the other named Daisy Love. What breed are they?
My cats are just cats. Humans abused them. I didn’t like it, so I adopted them.
In order to participate in Billie Bae’s therapy, I suggest you sign up for her OnlyFans account. There are six discounted subscriptions remaining, and the offer ends December 30. If that’s beyond your ability, you can always follow Billie at her Instagram profile.
